Best of me
by En.Martin
Summary: one shot. Castle is still missing. Kate is at home in their bed still grieving at the thought of never seeing her, "Always" again. He may not be there in body tonight, but maybe he can be there in spirit.


The best of me

**Okay so this is set at the start of season 7. Castle is still missing. Kate is at home in their bed still grieving at the thought of never seeing her, "Always" again. He may not be there in body tonight, but maybe he can be there in spirit**.

_See you brought out the best in me_

_A part of me I've never seen_

_You took my soul and wiped it clean_

_Our love was made for movie screens_

**-kodaline**

She lay on _their_ bed.

Although for the past 7 days it's just been, "bed".

She curled herself into a ball, wrapped her favourite castle button down shirt around her, and cried into her pillow. This was the usual procedure since his disappearance.

Its 3am, Ryan and Espo had left several voicemails updating Kate on the latest details of castles case. She doesn't answer the phone lately. Martha and Alexis have gone to bed, they tried to get a few words out of her today but didn't succeed, and Lanie has also just left. She's made it a habit to visit Kate as much as possible now more than ever. Even though she didn't know Kate during the period of Johanna Becketts passing, Lanie could only assume kates' grieving must have been similar to what she saw before her now. she had never seen Kate so broken, because that's what she was, she was broken and the only thing that made her whole was her other half, Castle.

She was a fragile woman.

She barely speaks.

You get the occasional, "Yes" or "No", but mostly it's just a head shake to the left and right or up and down, to signal a response.

The only thing in her line of vision for the past 7 days has been the gift castle made for her many months ago. The framed collection of sea shells hung on the wall opposite from where she lay and was now illuminated by the streams of moonlight that peered through the blinds. His small token of affection to prove he would do anything for this woman, do anything to keep that wide smile afloat on his fiancé's face. She can remember the last time she smiled; it was when they shared their last goodbye.

But now, her sunken eyes burned from the salty tears, she sleeps through the day and lets her mind wander at the night, her body aches because mainly she was just….lost. No matter how hard she tries, she still can't wash that particular afternoon off her face. Her heart blows more as the days go by when she still has no clue as to where he might be and the danger or pain he may be in, and what kills her more is the thought of him going through it… alone.

She tries to close her eyes and imagine that he was laying there with her, she tries to imagine normality again because it seems so alien to her now. They would be in her favourite position which would be him, mirroring her foetal position while one hand rests under her pillow and the other meets his hand in the small fissure between them.

It would be Just after they've spent a long day on a case, they've had a glass of wine but soon decide to vacate to the comfort of their nest. After they undress, they would turn off the lights and crawl under the scape of heat that the duvet provided. They would converse about stupid little things, deep into the night that only their little duo would converse about. On the odd occasion she would sing for him, (one of her secret talents) if he requested it and it usually ended up being one of his favourite superhero songs. Other than that they would debate on topics such as Castles theory on a potential Zombie apocalypse, Kate's theory on how a zombie apocalypse would never be plausible. But she would laugh and then smile at his adorable effort to contradict her argument.

And then she would just gaze at him, appreciating his presence not only for the moment they were in together but his presence in her life at all. Sometimes you can't explain what you see in a person. It's just the way they take you to a place where no one else can. But if he were here right now she imagines it would be like this…

"Hey Beautiful." he said with that big sappy grin on his face.

"Hi Handsome." she too had the same grin on her face.

"I miss you." Her smile soon turned into a frown.

He winced on the inside. But on the outside he also mirrored her frown.

"I miss you too"

"You have no idea how much I need you right now" she confessed.

"I'll be back soon, I promise" he urged.

"My heart is broken , I just want it to be fixed, and you're the only one who can fix me" she really was wearing her heart on her sleeve tonight.

"I know you won't give up on me, I know it seems tough right now and your doubting yourself but the Kate Beckett I know will rise from the ashes soon and she'll find me, like she always does, that's one of the qualities I love about you, you know that?"

Kate smiled.

"Hey can I ask you a favour? Will you sing to me?" he looked hopeful.

Kate demonstrated her trademark eye roll.

"What do you want me to sing, the usual Ghostbusters theme song or that Spiderman theme song?"

He chuckled.

"Sing me something, about us." he asked.

"Well that's new", Kate' eyebrow furrowed, surprised at the request.

"I know but, I'd really like to hear your voice right now" he asked.

"Okay Mr castle ill sing for you" she playfully nudged her knee into his thigh.

_All I want is nothing more, to hear you knocking at my door._

_if I'd see your face once more, I'd die a happy girl for sure._

_When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside._

_I lay in tears in bed all night, alone without u by my side._

_But if you loved me why'd you leave me, take my body, take my body._

_All I want is, all I need is, to find somebody, I'll find somebody, like you._

_See you brought out the best of me, a part of me I've never seen, you took my soul and wiped it clean, our love was made for movie screens._

"You were right you know" he arched his left eyebrow.

"About what?" she asked, unsure of what he was insinuating.

"All the songs making sense" he flashed a smile.

She thought it was sweet of him to remember, and he was right they all make so much sense.

"What can I say I learn my theories from the best."

She also arched an eyebrow, purposefully stroking his ego

"That, you do detective" he teased.

"Tell me something I don't know about you yet" she asked curiously.

He prepared himself, there was not much left that she didn't know but he thought she would like to know this.

"I thought you were_ perfect_ when I saw you first and I immediately began to fall in love with you, I can't deny that, but do you know what the best part was?" he asked.

"What?" she replied, facial expression full of wonder wonder.

"When I learned that you weren't perfect, and that's when I fell in love with you even more." He finished.

She stared at him intently for a long while and then she thought of a reply.

"God you're cheesy." She let out a barking laugh.

Castle scoffed. "Hey! I'm a _cheesy _best-selling author ill have you know"

"Really, you've never mentioned that before?" Kate said, grinning from ear to ear, her tone bursting with sarcasm.

They both laughed this time, enjoying each other's company. Accompanied by the usual flirty back and forth banter that was so familiar to her, But just as soon as the banter started, they were quickly brought back to the heart of the matter.

Kate broke eye contact, and then she focused on their tangled hands contemplating the joy that once existed in her life up until 7 days ago.

And then she made eye contact again.

"How long will my eyes have to stare at blank walls before I can see you again" she said, her expression full of despair.

He wouldn't look at her when he responded because he hated seeing disappointment written all over her face and what he despised even more was being the one who caused it.

"I don't know Kate, I wish I did but I don't."

She searched his face before she spoke, as if taking in every aspect of it, his scruffy and patchy stubble that she hated to love, his perfectly chiselled jawline that looked like it was carved by a stone mason, his crystal blue eyes that were notorious for making her weak at the knees, and that smile, the thought of never seeing that scandalous smile.

"Castle, I wake up every morning, and the first thing I want to do is see your face"

Castle broke their linked hands and he reached out to her face and pushed a lock of hair behind her right ear. "It has been one of the greatest joys waking up to your face every morning, detective"

"I guess sometimes you have to be apart from someone you love, because it makes you love them even more, right?" Kate said, barely believing her own words.

If that's even possible she thought. To love him even more than she already does.

"You and I both know that an infinite amount of days apart could never lessen our love for each other Mrs Beckett" he replied, sounding sincere.

Kate smiled. He sure knew how to put a sentence together, a romantic one at that.

"It's Castle" she whispered back.

"What?" he asked in slight confusion.

"It's Mrs Castle" she flashed her teeth and those tiny premature creases were evident at the corner of her hazel eyes, the ones that only became visible when she displayed her most flattering smile. The one she saved for moments like these.

Like that time he told her that they would get married in September and he would postpone the book tour, and she was ecstatic. Ye he loved _that_ smile.

She always teased him before the wedding, before this disaster, that she would be maintaining her surname and would not be changing it. Her surname represented the independence she still obtained, it was part of who she was, and it was part of her story, in her life and in their relationship.

"I think _detective Beckett_ has a better ring to it" he teased back, after linking their hands back together, back in the epicentre of their fissure.

"What's it like" she asked in wonder.

"What's what like?" he replied, again slightly confused.

She was reluctant to answer at first because she was afraid of what she might hear.

"Where you are?" she asked.

"Oh." He recognised the caution in her voice.

" it's dark, and it kind of smells like motor oil."

His nose creased up at the thought of the scent.

"Motor oil?" she quizzed with a crooked grin.

"I know, right?" he did a half-hearted eye roll.

"Are you afraid?" she became serious again.

Castle took a while to answer. He wanted to be careful not to distress her any more than she already was. If she knew what he had really gone through in the past seven days…. she would crumble.

"Yeah, I guess I am" he chose the careful answer.

"What scares you the most?" she asked in curiosity.

She knew what scared him the most.

Not ever seeing Kate again. Not waking up to her again, never making her another coffee, never seeing that dazzling smile when he hands it to her every morning, never being able to give her the wedding of her dreams, never being able to raise a family with her, never being able to hear that laugh again that was like music to his ears, never being able to make love with her again, never being able to hold her again, feeling her warmth, taking in her cherry scent. But most of all, it would be never having this again, these moments. The ones where they would wear their heart on their sleeves and block the world out and they would only exist in in _their _little universe, the moments that took his breath away.

"You already know what scares me the most." He replied, his facial expression unreadable.

She knew.

She knew because it was also exactly what she feared the most too.

There was a long silence.

"I have to go soon" he said, his voice full of guilt.

"Don't leave" she voice oozing of pain.

"I don't want to leave either, but I have to" he replied. it broke his heart to leave her like this. If things were his way he would hold her all night. But he had to go, He had to migrate back into the darkness and abandon this haven.

"I'm afraid I'll forget what your voice sounds like" she whispered, her voice cracking, her eyes filling to the brim with the familiar sting of salty tears.

"You won't forget because you'll hear it again" he sounded optimistic. He wanted to believe it as well but he needed to give her hope, something to hold onto until he returned in body, not in spirit.

"When?"

She pleaded.

"Soon, I promise" he gripped her hand even tighter, as he swore this oath to her.

"I love you." she replied, it was Barely a whisper.

He dragged his thumb across her face and collected the tears that gathered just above her lip.

"I love you too _Mrs castle_" he half smiled. He needed to go before he started to cry because this would break her even more, of what's left of her.

"If these are our last words-"she offered, but was soon cut off by castles stern voice.

"Kate-", he snapped.

He did not want to imagine the possibility of never hearing her voice again and he was in no way willing to prepare for it.

"No" she protested. She was now the one gripping his hand tightly.

"if these are our last words to each other, I want them to be the best _last words_ anyone has ever recited ! I want them to say something about us, just us" she had a serious expression. He was reluctant at first but, in no way was he going to deny this one wish she requested, because _if_ he does never see her again, as much as it kills him to let the thought even linger in his mind for more than a nano second, he wants to leave her with this.

After all he would do anything for this woman.

"Okay then, if I shall leave you now and I would have to say one word to sum up our animated past, our unfortunate present and our beautiful future Mrs castle, I will leave you with this,

_-Always_"

She pressed her eyes shut tightly and felt him press his lips on her forehead, she whispered _always_ in response, hoping that when she opened them again he really would be there, in full form beckoning her to be wrapped in the cage of his arms.

But he was not there when she opened them.

He was _gone_.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rick turned over on the cold hard ground that night and stared back into darkness, but tonight he wasn't afraid nor alone because he got to dream of her, hear her, see her, feel her, his partner, his fiancé, his Kate, his _always._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

**My first oneshot guys! Be nice lol**


End file.
